Day 4
My essays have been approved, so now potential matches can read all about me.
I'm breaking my own rules--I checked JDate several times already today. I wonder what the protocol is for responding to emails on a Friday. Does it make me seem like a loser if I'm logging into the site on a weekend evening? Does it show a total disregard for the Sabbath?
I have a new email message from B., as well as a few flirts from others in my JDate inbox. I send a reply to B., including a question or two. His messages are good, as in well-written, but he doesn't ask the same type of questions that I do. I ask things like "So where in Europe have you traveled?" and "Where are some good paved rollerblading paths?", because in his profile he mentions these specific things. His responses to me include semi-questions which are somewhat rhetorical, as in, "that's right near you, isn't it?" It seems that you would ask questions if you wanted to find out about someone. He did send some specific links to things that I mentioned, such as a local band, so I definitely appreciate the effort. I'll try to not to read too much into it, and just "ride the horse in the direction it's going," as a friend of mine says.
Of course, now I wonder about the protocol for continuing the exchange. How many emails should go by before suggesting an activity? Who asks? Do we graduate to talking on the phone, or do we exchange personal email addresses? I've heard conflicting opinions on how much email must happen before personal contact is initiated. Plus, I gave him plenty of opportunities to pick up on my personal interests. Isn't it natural to say, for instance, "Oh, you like trolling antique fairs for classic baseball cards? Me too! We should check one out together this weekend." (Personal interests have been changed to protect the innocent.)
On to the other mail I received. Why do people send a "flirt"? It seens to be a bit of a cop-out. It puts the onus on the other person. The flirts I am receiving say "I'm intruiged--feel free to email me." Why don't *you* email *me* if you're so intrigued? How can I convey to potential suitors that I would be seriously impressed with a well-crafted email message?
IM guy from yesterday IM's me again. Why, why?
A few flirts are from people that I had hotlisted. Now I'm worried about managing multiple people at the same time. I've heard rumors of people using spreadsheets to keep all their suitors straight. I wouldn't go that far, but maybe have a standardized list of questions where I can gradually fill in information so that I can recall whose story is associated with what event?
Notification arrived that a message from B. is waiting for me in my JDate inbox just as I was on my way out the door for the evening. I guess it will have to wait until tomorrow to be read and answered!
posted by Amy at 8:19 PM
3 Comments:
Ah. The subtleties of JDate. First, feel amazing because you are a hot item! Very impressive.
I, too, hate and ignore flirts, "we'd click"s, teases, and whatever other excuses people use to avoid the not so scary, not so time- consuming process of ACTUALLY WRITING A MESSAGE.
Because people can be completely different in person than they are on the phone/email, I say, bite the bullet and meet ASAP. After three-four promising emails, I'll suggest a date if he hasn't already. And I've found that the progress from jDate email to real email to phone calls to date tends to be driven by the girl, since we're more likely to be concerned with stalking/freakiness. Often a guy will give out his #/real email, in a considerate acknowledgment that we're less likely to do so ourselves.
Keep us posted.
6:37 AM
Dori, thanks for shedding some light on the unwritten dating procedures. I had a feeling there were informal processes, I just didn't know what they were. It's hard to play the game without knowing the rules of play, and knowing is half the battle...
9:43 AM
As someone who doesn't actually have a paid account, I use flirts to let people know I'm interested and hope that they will email me through my hotmail account (which is in my username/profile). Of course this doesn't work if the person doesn't have another email address easily visible, but it works for me when I don't have the money to pay every month.
6:24 AM
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