Day 5

After I get up and get moving this morning, I log into JDate to reply to the message from B. It's short--two sentences, but one of them is an actual, direct, requires-a-response question! Small victory for me. However, he asked where I go to medical school, which is strange, because nowhere in my profile or in our previous email conversations was there anything to indicate that I go to medical school. And, for the record, I'm *not* in medical school. So, apparently, I can't win. I get a question, but it's the wrong question. I compose a reply, politely but firmly correcting the medical school mistake, and following up with yet another question. In my head, I'm wondering if he's gotten me confused with another JDater Girl. I wonder if she asks all kinds of annoying questions too.

As I finish, I get a notice that a member wants to IM me. Oh no, I think, it's IM guy again, who clearly doesn't get the message. But it's Fitness Guy, someone who I hotlisted and who sent me a flirt that I replied to yesterday. We have a chat--mercifully, he asks me some questions, and I ask him some, so there is an actual, back-and-forth conversation going. After a few minutes, he says he has to go (off to do fitness-related stuff) but provides his personal email address and says I can email him anytime. I tell him he can email me anytime too.

I wonder whose responsibility it is to email now. It sort of feels like the responsibility is mine--he is using what I have heard called the "lead a horse to water" technique: you provide the opportunity and hope the other person takes it. I think this is probably what happens when you're confident you know the "system" and have been doing this for a while. But I don't want to do all the work. And I'm not sure I want to give out my personal email address yet. Because you can find out a lot of information about someone once you have their name. Case in point: I checked out Fitness Guy's website. Turns out he *is* a fitness guy, and is trying to start up a fitness business.

I also grab a notebook and start making notes on what I know about Fitness Guy and B. so far. Each gets his own page, so going forward, I can quickly refer back and avoid making the "medical school" mistake. It's not a spreadsheet, but perhaps a less-anal way of keeping track of JDates.

Reflecting on the past few days, it seems that most of my concerns are about process. What is the process for getting to know someone through a online dating service? I think I feel most comfortable with a few days of email exchanges, then if it still feels like there's potential (the first phase is where I can eliminate those without a love for the written word), proceed to personal email. Since I haven't gotten to phase 2 yet, I don't know what comes after. I wonder if I am understanding the process correctly, or if men have a completely different idea of the process.