Days 24 and 25

I found a surprise in my JDate inbox. I received an email from Shy Guy, one from the group I emailed about 10 days ago. I responded to his message, after combing through his profile, looking for something to generate some email questions. If we get a conversation going before my month expires, I'll give him my personal email address.

I've been thinking about why it's more appealing and easier to make friends "organically" or "the old fashioned way" than to meet people online. Online, you choose your criteria: you pick the ideal age range, height parameters, education levels, even hair and eye color. Maybe we think we've selected a perfect mate because we've input our criteria and the online matching technology tells us that these people are right for us. And then you meet, and you hope this person is perfect in person, because they meet all, or most, or even a few of your physical requirements. Compare this to meeting people who become your friends. You have no control over any of their physical attributes; you just accept them for who they are, because you enjoy their company, because you "click" in person! We don't have many online friend finders, right? I know they're out there, but I don't think they're as widely socially accepted as online dating sites. And it's because we can't (or don't) order up friends the same way we order up dates. I'm saying *that's* the magic that I'm looking for in a date--the same chemistry that happens when we meet a complete stranger in a random encounter in a public place and find out that we have so much in common! It happens naturally if we're lucky, and the odds aren't good that it happens artificially through online matching.

I think this is somewhat related to the importance of being Jewish. I may not be practicing religion at this moment in my life, but finding someone who is Jewish means we have a somewhat common set of experiences and understandings. This is why I chose JDate as a means to meet people: one of my criteria would already be taken care of. It's hard to describe this to people who aren't Jewish. For the non-Jews out there, can you imagine trying to describe all the rituals surrounding your Easter celebration to someone who has no experience of Easter? Even if you aren't religious, you still probably spend some time with family, and there's a meal involved, and you have particular foods at this meal, and there are so many funny family stories related to these foods, and you and your family and your close friends all understand this without having to explain it. Now do the same thing with Christmas and Father's Day and all these other days that have this common thread through them. That's the key: you don't have to explain what any of these means to you, because most people of Christian/Catholic backgrounds have many of these elements in common. If I said "I went home for Passover and I thought I was going to starve before we actually had dinner", how many of you who aren't Jewish would know *exactly* what I meant? I guess what I'm trying to say is, sometimes being Jewish is like speaking a completely different language from almost everybody else, and when I think about the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I'd like us to speak the same language. Or it's like getting an inside joke; it doesn't need to be explained because you just understand because you have all the context. Perhaps you disagree, and you don't see the Jewish/not Jewish distinction as a big deal, but sometimes it feels like a huge deal. I have only dated non-Jews (by circumstance, not by deliberate choice), and I thought I would try JDate as a way to make sure I would meet Jewish men. Perhaps ironically, I like someone who just doesn't happen to be Jewish more than the made-to-order Jewish men.

Take my soapbox, please!

So, I continue to wrestle with this issue. On the one hand, I have a great new male friend in front of me who isn't Jewish, and on the other hand, I have a few new Jewish male strangers who ostensibly meet my preferred criteria, but with whom I don't have the same connection as Sporty McGoy, or whatever we're calling him at the moment. On the other hand... there is no other hand! (Raise your hand if you get this fairly mainstream but old Jewish reference, and let me know if you *do* get it, or if you *don't* and you feel sort of like you're on the outside looking in.)