Days 28 and 29
I talked on the phone with Bike Guy. It was a good conversation, but I was really tired and I wasn't expressing myself well. We have vague plans to talk on the phone again this week. While we were talking, the subject of belonging to a temple came up, so I mentioned how my mother is very active in her community. Just saying a simple sentence like "she teaches crafts related to the Jewish calendar" and having the other person understand without having to explain anything was such a relief. *This* is why I want to date someone Jewish.
So, this made me very apprehensive for my date with SMcG. In addition to his not being Jewish, I feel like we are worlds apart in our everyday experiences. We talked over dinner about politics and religion--two big no-nos for dates!. I brought up politics, briefly, because I just wanted to feel out where he stood. I got the sense that he's sort of middle of the road, and I lean left, so we're not too far apart, but we couldn't really talk about it. And religion came up, and I tried to explain why being Jewish is important to me, even though I don't actively practice, but I was just so tired of trying to explain it. I felt like crying out of frustration. Not a good feeling for a date.
The date was good overall. I enjoy hanging out with him, and I am attracted to him, but just *know*, on some deep level, that this relationship can't/won't go anywhere, because for me, the Jewish thing, the political thing, and the worlds apart thing are major. And I'm really stressed out by this. I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed out that I cancelled/rescheduled my lunch with Funny Guy because I just can't handle another stressful event today. And now I'm reevaluating my previous stance on why being friends first is a better way to ensure good dates, because I want to be friends with SMcG, but I don't think I can date him, and I don't know how to "break up" with him after one real date, because I'm afraid we'll lose the friendship.
This, my friends, is why I hate dating. And, I cancelled my JDate subscription today too.
posted by Amy at 6:41 AM
3 Comments:
I completely understand how you feel. I've so been there. I can offer some measley advice if you'd like some (if not, just ignore). I think if you have a gut feeling about this Jewish thing, then you should just trust it. I totally understand all the stress that comes with that... but if possible, just try to be OK with trusting your gut, and know that it will all be OK.
It used to stress me out so much, until I just decided I shouldn't have to explain it this much to people. So I just simplified it to, "It's the right thing for me," and left it at that. And then stopped dating people whom I'd have to explain it to further, and yes that was hard.
On that note, it sounds like cancelling jdate was the right thing to do, if for no reason then you're stressed and not having fun dating at the moment. Why put yourself through that.
But when you feel better (and yes that day will come), don't be surprised if you decide to give it one more try. It's OK to take a break. And it's OK to try it again, later. If you want.
--Emma-
11:29 AM
I love this blog. Really well expressed.
Now that you are at the one-month point, what happens?
As far as the Jewish thing, I suggest asking yourself, as far as the goy guy, if he were Jewish, what difference would that make, if any.
I also suggest you not worry about taking any action or making any decisions. Typically, time passes and things work themselves out. You needn't declare yourself or "do" anything.
3:15 PM
Oh no! What'll happen with the blog?! We'll miss it! But I agree with Emma, you can things how things play out with Bike Guy/any remaining prospects and then chill for a while. As for SMcG, it's a little tricky to de-excelerate from potential date back to friend, but it can be done, and perhaps he felt the same way? One tactful way of responding (if he asks you out again and you're just not into it), would be, "I've done a lot of soul searching on this, and am realizing I need to stick with Jewish guys, although we should totally continue hanging out." This is mainly true and also not offensive. Keep us posted, at least until we have closure with him and Bike Guy.
4:39 AM
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