Dates 5 and 6
It's been a very social couple of days. Bike Guy came over Thursday evening and we had a great dinner-and-a-movie date. Then yesterday, we had an all-day, outdoor, eat and talk and be entertained date. An incredible time was had by all.
Reading over my last post, my list of wants and don't-wants still holds true. I feel like I'm walking a thin line between being happy and doing all the right things, and being a crazed freakshow and spending way too much time worrying. I like him, he says he likes me in words and actions, so what's the problem?
A lot of my initial nervousness has completely subsided, so that's a good thing. But I think this is a tricky phase of dating: you start to think this is a regular thing, and you think ahead to the next weekend and things you'd like to do with this person, and perhaps you assume that you are going to spend some or most of the weekend together, and then suddenly you're spending all your time together and you're irritated that this person's in your space or this person's irritated that you're in their space and you end up wondering how you got involved in this in the first place and it all becomes shit? Whew. Dangerous thoughts go round and round. So. How does one keep perspective? Seriously. I could use some help.
posted by Amy at 1:10 PM
2 Comments:
hmmm, i dont know.
for me, i think the worrying begins when i'm not sure what i want, or not admitting to myself what i want. something like that. it usually stems from some sort of inner conflict i'm feeling.
in the past it's been because, deep down, i knew i wanted something more serious, and i also knew, deep down, that the guy i was dating... did not. but no one really wanted to be the one to say that, so we kept "hanging out".
maybe in your case it's the opposite?
the times i didn't feel that way was when i wanted something serious, and so did the guy. and then it was just... obvious.
thats just been my experience. when the anxiety stuff kicks in, its usually because there's something going on below the surface; some sort of true inner feeling that i'm not confessing to, or admitting to.
i dont think it's as simple as, "just dont worry about it, have fun!" - even though that's what i'd like to say.
nah, if you're a thinking person, a feeling person, then those thoughts are bound to creep in as you get to know someone more intimately.
however, i do think you'll be just fine. you seem like a cool girl.
and the only advice i would offer (if you even want any), is to maybe just be honest with him about what you're looking for. and see how he responds.
--EMMA--
8:03 PM
I think the magic word is BOUNDARY. You hang out together as much as you want, but you identify (for yourself) where the "lots of hanging out" area bumps up against the "I need my space" area. And that means thinking about what that means to you. Making sure you see/call girlfriends with X amount of frequency? Spending X weeknights alone? Never missing X trashy TV show (and let me recommend _Project Runway_?)? If you know where the boundaries are, it's easier to maintain them. That said, I think there's nothing wrong with spending inordinate amounts of time together if you enjoy it. If it starts being too much, well, then you'll stop. You have more control than you give yourself credit for.
6:55 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home